Why I Put Rainbow Sprinkles On My Oatmeal

Hey there and welcome back to Life, Unfiltered!

Now, I know this title seems incredibly random, but as I was making myself lunch (yes, I’m eating oatmeal for lunch, bear with me and my cravings for sweets…) I had a moment where I realized exactly how much I’ve grown.

Throughout my eating disorder, oatmeal was a huge fear food for me. If you’re not familiar with some of the terms within eating disorder “lingo”, which is mostly derived from social media, a fear food is exactly what it sounds like: a food that a person suffering from an eating disorder is afraid to eat.

As I said, among the many foods I was terrified of my biggest one was oatmeal.

Before my recovery, I’ve literally cried over bowls of oatmeal. It just freaked me out and I felt like a failure for consuming it. Something many don’t realize is that your ED thoughts and fears can convince you of the wildest, most irrational lies. I was deathly scared of consuming my fear foods; I genuinely thought a few of them would kill me if I ate them. Looking back, my disordered and hungry thought process was just absolute insanity, but no one could convince me otherwise at that moment.

Upon my recovery and full weight-restoration, I decided to begin challenging my old fear foods. I would spend my morning that day making myself my first bowl of oatmeal in such a long time, adding milk, grated chocolate, raspberries, and whipped cream, all luxuries I had denied myself for years. At the last moment I decided, just for the hell of it, to top my oatmeal with some rainbow sprinkles.

It’s such a small, insignificant thing, but to me, the world had just opened up at that moment. Those little rainbow sprinkles were a celebration of my progress and my successes up to that point.

Oatmeal is now one of my biggest comfort foods. If I’m feeling down or I just need a boost of energy, I’ll prepare myself a warm bowl of oatmeal, taking care to include fun flavors like berries, cinnamon, pumpkin spice, and chocolate! And of course, ever since that first bowl I made for myself, I never forget to top my oatmeal with rainbow sprinkles.

I don’t think any win is too small to celebrate. Eating a bowl of oatmeal doesn’t seem like a huge feat, but bulimia nervosa had truly shrunk my world to the point that eating such a simple meal was my biggest accomplishment.

I just enjoy sprinkles. They make me smile for some reason. They’re fun, and usually only reserved for desserts, making them special! I remember the pride of finally overcoming each and every one of my fear foods, but oatmeal was a particularly happy moment, because now when I see rainbow sprinkles, I’m reminded that I’m still here. I’m strong. I’m healthy. I’m okay.

I know this is definitely one of the more niche stories I’ve shared on The Adulting Journals, and most of you likely won’t be able to relate, but it’s honest. And the one thing I guarantee of this blog is honesty. Maybe it’s stupid that I was so terrified of eating oatmeal, (and I’m now realizing how outrageous and absolutely bonkers that statement is…) but it’s real. I don’t think many people would admit to something so silly and baffling. So, I promise that no matter how out-there or odd my stories seem, they’ll always be real.

Now go out there and find your rainbow sprinkles in life!

Much love always,

Alexandra