On Bathroom Girl Talk – Keep It Up, Ladies!

“I love your hair!”

“Oh my gosh, thank you! Your makeup is stunning!!”

“Thank you so much! Have a good one.”

“You too, girl!”

Hey there and welcome to Life, Unfiltered!

Above I wrote a quick exchange I had with another girl in the bathroom on campus a couple of days ago. She was braiding her hair, and I was quickly applying my usual eyeliner before class. There were no backhanded remarks. No sarcasm. Just a fleeting but genuine feminine connection with another woman.

I think that growing up, I was taught to see other girls as my enemy. I grew up in a generation that told us that liking pink and playing with Barbies was weak and made us less than the other girls, but the nerdy girls who made books their friends were weird and lonely, and the more tomboyish girls were trying too hard to be different, and needed to dress prettier if they ever wanted to get a boyfriend.

The way past generations set up gender roles, there was just no winning for us young girls who only wanted nothing more than to exist truthfully.

Even high school sometimes felt a little bit like a clip from Mean Girls. It was always a competition to be the prettiest, but not too pretty otherwise you were an attention-seeking slut. You had to be the smartest, but not too smart because studious girls were no fun. You had to be the trendiest, but not too trendy, otherwise you were another boring clone.

I shamefully admit to hating the girls in my classes, simply for being something I would never be able to achieve. Having perfectly straight hair, flawless skin, a skinny waist, the newest, prettiest clothes. Looking back, I’m realizing that a lot of that hatred was not because they were ever bad to me; it simply stemmed from jealousy and it was a reflection of the insecurities I felt towards myself.

I grew up so embarrassed to be female. I didn’t want to be seen as weak or girly. I was taught from a young age that women were less and I didn’t want to be less. I wanted to become something great. And when I was young, I really used to think that I needed to forgive myself for being a woman. 

In spending my young adulthood healing my relationship with other women, I’ve come to embrace my femininity and unabashedly be my boldest and truest self. And I’ve come to learn that no one is just one thing. People as individuals are too complex to shove into one category of either “feminine” or “masculine”.

I like the color yellow. I like dresses, jeans, heels, and boots. I like bold statement jewelry, leather bracelets, and punk rock. I love doing my makeup even though I’m not the best at it. I like reading and writing and posting cute pictures of my birds on Instagram. And there are so many other qualities that make up ME that I can’t even think of right now. I’m having so much fun learning more about myself now that I’ve broken free from the expectations that were placed on me simply for my sex.

It’s micro-interactions like the one I noted at the beginning of this post that remind me that barriers in gender are still being broken every single day. On campus, I’ve met young women from all walks of life, with all kinds of styles and interests and stories. Their confidence and firmness in their identities continue to inspire me greatly.

We have to stick together, ladies. We have to continue to empower and love one another. And with all the interactions I’ve had with the young women of today, I’m confident we can make the future brighter for women everywhere.

Encouraged and uplifted,

Alexandra