Bulimia Nervosa: A Poem

Hey there and welcome back to Growing Pains! Today’s post is actually another poem! (Throwback to To Dog: A Poem By Me) However, unlike the goofy and playful tone in To Dog, the subject matter is slightly darker in this piece.

I’ve mentioned it many times in my blog, but throughout middle school and high school, I suffered from bulimia nervosa. Through all the misery, I always used writing as an outlet, and since I’ve recovered I’ve been aiming to use my words to help shed light on eating disorder awareness. As I decided to look through my older works which mostly consisted of poetry and short stories, I found this piece and it always held a special place in my heart.

My poem, simply titled Bulimia Nervosa, was the resulting work of a poetry lesson in my Honors English class I took my freshman year of high school. As I mentioned in my previous post, Bulimia: My Eating Disorder Story, my freshman year was a time where I was addicted to self-harm and sneaking away from classes and my family almost hourly to satisfy that urge. I was restricting my calorie intake greatly and exercising to the point that all I could do most days was lay in bed. I was miserable, and I never had to be.

Bulimia Nervosa was not the poem I ended up submitting for credit in that class, but as soon as my fingers hit the keyboard to work on that assignment, the words just came spilling out. I’ve since edited this copy and will continue to refine it until I’m completely satisfied, but I felt an itch to share this piece because it was created at a time of immense pain, unlike my current work, which shows my growth upon recovery.

I hope you enjoy this piece <3

Bulimia Nervosa

Those fragile places in your bones,

The roots, the core,

The cracks, the groans,

That places I never thought I’d go,

And what I didn’t know,

Was the moment that you let her in,

She pulls apart your skin,

Digs deep into your darkest fears,

Deteriorates within.

Her corruption makes you suffer for a single grain of rice,

But when you break, her fingers grip your stomach in a vice:

“Erase all traces of your mistakes,

You foolish, gluttonous disgrace.”

Purging, painful emesis,

The caloric deficit wears your insides thin,

The guilt that ultimately wins,

Satisfaction is my nemesis!

Those starving girls in magazines,

No one hears those agonizing screams,

They make you slice into your thigh, wondering,

“Why can’t that be me?”

Thinspo quiets the aching sin as Mia swells within,

Her words will spin around your head,

“In one month you’ll be thin!”

For years you’ve walked this path alone,

You’ve counted every step.

Each bite, each calorie you ate,

And purging in between.

Your body withers to decay,

Now you’re nothing but a ghost,

A mirror of disease, affliction,

Your body is not your own.

“So waste away in my arms,” she says,

“Leave nothing but your skeleton.

Beauty lies not on the surface,

But thrives instead on emptiness.”

As always, thank you for your visits to my site, they absolutely mean the world to me! I hope you enjoyed today’s post. If this piece resonated with you, comment down below! And if you are currently suffering from an eating disorder, I deeply encourage you to seek help. Recovery is real, and you are so, so worthy of happiness. <3

Much love,

Alexandra