Relapse

I don’t know why these stupid thoughts have such a hold on me.

I just know that I can’t stand existing without my eating disorder. I just can’t. 

I know that fact makes me a hypocrite, and I know that all the goodness I’ve been spewing here now amounts to some serious bullshit in the eyes of my readers.

I don’t know if this is just the voice of mania telling me that I can lose 20lbs in a few weeks, or if this is a true relapse.

If you’ve noticed my absence, it’s been because of these thoughts.

I’m going to step back from The Adulting Journals for a bit, and hopefully good news will come at the end of this brief hiatus. 

I’m sorry I’m not the recovery inspiration I intended on being or that any of you deserve. I’m so sorry. 

I love you guys so much. Thank you for following me this far.

Hugs,

Alexandra